Casting Call

    Man, what a great time for comedy. Unfortunately, I'm not talking about The Hangover sequel and the more than likely chance that I will be underwhelmed by it simply because the first one was so amazingly well done. I'm pretty sure anyone from my generation would die of alcohol poisoning before they got drunk enough to steal a friggin' tiger from Mike F'ing Tyson. But since they are filming a sequel that has no chance whatsoever of being as good as the first one they should save some money by casting some of the idiots running for office in Texas this year. Seriously, they are play-acting in some great comedic melodrama already, I'm sure they would jump at a chance for some free exposure. Here's a couple of examples:


Kathy Glass - solid conservative libertarian candidate for governor. She got really miffed when she wasn't allowed in a couple of debates with republicans and democrats. She has every right to be upset about it. I wasn't happy that she got excluded either, since I think her views are more in line with mine than either of the other candidates. However, she had to go and make herself look like an idiot. She goes to confront Rick Perry at a speaking engagement where he isn't going to take questions from the audience. She announces her intent to make sure she gets good media coverage, then plants someone to get some "homemade" footage. Seriously, if you want to get in a debate with the big boys, act like it, not like an amateur. She had the video slow down (the angle was perfect because it didn't show where Perry actually shook her hand) so that you can't hear her sounding like a little kid trying to get attention by confronting the teacher. She's in some bright pink thing that she probably bought back in 1992. Really? She looks crazy now. And she is running for Governor? Now, her Facebook fans thought this little stunt was great and that it shows her "sticking it to the man" and all of that, but to the average conservative guy like me she just looks like an extremist out for attention. Thanks Kathy, now I have to vote for Perry or more than likely not vote for governor at all. I would rather vote for someone that I liked and that I think would vote in my best interest. Bill White fits neither category, he's got that weaselly, milquetoast feel to him on top of wanting to spend money on crap we don't need to. At least I can trust Perry to keep out of my way for the most part, even if he does irk the hell out of me.

Now, my favorite idiot running for office this year is Jeff Barton. He's running for County Judge, but he has been functioning as County Commissioner. Honestly, I don't really know what his political platform is. I've read his website stuff and read a couple of speeches, but it's all just crap. Now, what I mean by "crap" is that it's just political talk that could be conservative, could be liberal but always sounds perfect. Check this out:

"Barton said he called the debate to highlight how far political discourse has degenerated. Now, he said, “it’s time to focus on creating jobs, protecting our water and fixing our traffic.”

Read more at the Hays Free Press http://haysfreepress.com/archives/11899#ixzz13iDmykK1 


Isn't that aewsome! Of course, there's no need to mention "how" he's going to do all of this, that would just complicate things. Obviously he's not alone in this kind of talk, I think they teach that in Campaign PR BS 101 at Plum Creek Elementary, but this guy thinks that he has the next Karl Rove running his campaign or something. He just staged a "high-noon" confrontation with some unknown idiot e-mailer. Yes, he really did. And he's the one that called it "High-Noon". Thanks for making my hometown look like a caracatuer of friggin' Mayberry there, Jeff. 'Preciate ya. He calls this unknown emailer (who sent out some obviously stupid crap about Barton getting in a fight with his sister when Barton doesn't have a sister and something about giving big contracts to his friends which would be almost impossible nowadays) a "hoodlum" and sets up this melodramitic charade in downtown Kyle like he's Mr. Tough Guy wanting to face his accuser in "the light of day". Come on now, Jeff. Local media HAS to cover crap like this, they don't get a choice. It even got a blurb in the Austin paper. The Hays Free Press is like 4 pages of local stuff wrapped in a bunch of coupons ( I got one from Toys-R-Us this week, and there's not a single one of those in Hays County) and I always read it because, well, it gets thrown on my driveway for free and, well...ya know, I live here and stuff. [ Honestly, it's always worth the time to read even if most of the stuff has absolutely no bearing on my life in general. I love Kyle and the whole area and I like to keep up with it. The people writing do a good job, they just don't always have a lot to work with.] Around 50 people showed up for "High-Noon" and a dozen or so of them were supporting some Dr. Cobb guy that I know nothing about who is running against Barton. That's like the turnout for a school play. Basically you have the 30 or 40 people that are personally interested in this Barton guy because they know him, like him, or just like to go to things like this. Then you have the idiots on the other side that show up to do the Kathy Glass impersonation. One of these guys is prepared to call Barton out on a bunch of stuff. The good part is that he went and got a bunch of records from the county to back him up. I promise you Jerry Springer is pissed he didn't get to be there. Jeff is getting called out for lying on all kinds of stuff. He claims not to have accepted a raise, but he actually did. Now, he did turn it down (with all the right verbage too), but then he recanted after it passed an impartial comittee vote. The thing is he turned it down for 2009 and not 2008 or vice versa, I'm a little confused here. No, I'm a lot confused here. Apparently he initiated the vote, then didn't accept the raise, then did accept it, then claimed that he couldn't accept it....or something... both sides are claiming different things and both bringing documents from Treasury...seriously, where is Politifact when ya need them? Next he posted on his website that he was from born in Colorado, then allegedly said he was born in Texas and now his website doesn't say anything about it anymore. So some activist guy shows up to confront Ol' Jeff with this crap and Barton says that he can't debate him or respond unless he signs an affidavit that he sent the email stuff. Obviously, dude can't sign any of it since most of it isn't true and then ya get legal issues and whatnot, and there is the chance that he didn't write it anyway. I can't fault Barton for this after railing Glass for pretty much doing the same thing, but he's the one who staged all this stuff and forced the media coverage, then cracked a fallopian tube once he got on stage. There was absolutely zero chance that whoever wrote the emails would be there, it was all political fluff. Did he not realize that he was gonna get challenged? Surely he isn't that dumb. There are like 200 people that actually care about all of this stuff and every one of them cares waaaaay too much. He had to know that. Granted, according to the Hays Free Press this guy is "an activist whose causes include exposing a conspiracy for world domination between the Nature Conservancy and the United Nations," which makes him sound like he was some evil character from an Austin Powers movie or something, so who knows what would have happened if he got an official spot at the podium. 


  I think this stuff is awesome. How does some goofball like Barton get elected to County Commissioner in the first place? Who is so concerned about it that they make up some fake emails, from a fake democratic club of some kind with all fake names?  Is it some Cobb supporter? Did someone from the Barton camp do it? Who thought up this glorious "High-Noon" stuff? What kind of world do these political junkies live in where they think that this stuff is cool? That it makes them look good? That the average guy like me associates them with Jerry Springer and cares more about why Barton is wearing that mustache in his website picture than what the guy can actually do as a judge may say as much about me as it does about him, but this kind of stuff is hilarious. I mean, this could have been a plot for some Lindsay Lohan flick before we knew she was crazy. If you set it during a Jr. High student council election it would be more believable anyway.

  I realize that almost everyone I know has no clue who is running for what and local politics is just kind of there, it doesn't matter to them. Honestly, it doesn't matter much to me either. When I see stuff like this I realize how bad it is for the country that most of us don't vote in local elections and don't pay attention to them until we retire or lose the normal thinking functions in our brain and become some crazed activist. Check this out. Please note that the TOTAL number of votes cast in the primary for Barton was 56, yes fifty-six, with an even 100 votes cast before his opponent conceded. That means that she knew that getting 12 more votes was impossible. There are more than 100 people just in my neighborhood that could have voted, but obviously we didn't.  Don't ask me why it says 58% when it's 56/100.  I guess no one involved had a calculator, or a 3rd grader around to do the math for them. Think about that for a minute. If the number of voters is ten times greater for the real election then it would equal 0.6% of the population of Hays County. It's funny as hell to me to read stuff like this, but when I really look at what it means, it just makes me sad.


Edit: Wow, after I wrote this, I went back and was reading about it some more. It turns out that Hays Free Press is owned by Barton Publications Inc. Now I feel like deleting the crap I said about the paper, but I'll leave it in since it's true. Man, this feels more like RoadHouse with Patrick Swayze than it does Andy Griffith now. But I'm going to link to this site now, since I read it as well, but didn't quote it or cite it because it seemed to be a little more "unofficial" than the Hays Free Press and could have been more of an opinion piece than I would normally like to cite. But after realizing that Barton's family owns the one I did quote, it feels right to cite what Mr. Ochoa has reported as well.

Slow Down Fred

  In his most recent post, Texas Fred  takes a pretty high-minded tone in telling the younger generations (like mine) that the "Grey-Haired Brigade" are going to save us from ourselves when they vote conservative in November. Now, I actually read this blog fairly often and am more or less in agreement with Fred on most issues, but this one irked me a bit. I don't mind when he, or other conservative pundits, cry "socialism" at every turn or rant about President Obama destroying the country. Don't misunderstand me, I don't really agree with that crap, but I understand where they are coming from and it means that Texas Fred and the people he influences will vote the way I want the rest of the country to vote. They just might be doing it for the wrong reasons. It cracks me up when I watch see the Glenn Becks, Rush Limbaughs and Texas Fred's of the world get all radical and extreme or petty and cheap. It reminds me of the typical conversations I would hear at work when Bush was President, only then it was the liberals making a big deal out of nothing. The Katie Courics, Susan Sarandons and Barbara Streisands don't get any attention any longer because they don't have anyone to rant against anymore. It's the same thing, just from the other side. I guess that most people want to see the other side as evil, when it just isn't the case. I can't think of a single thing off of the top of my head that I have agreed with President Obama on other than that we both picked North Carolina to win the NCAA tournament 2 years ago, but I don't think he's evil. If I had a dollar for every e-mail I get that "exposes" Obama as either racist, communist or a closet Al-Qaeda member I could drop out of school, quit work and retire. Now, one or two of them have passed the Snopes test, but the vast majority never do. It was the same way with Michael Moore's "documentaries" and the way my inbox would fill up about White Water and Kenn Starr. People just like the extreme stuff, I guess. Politics reminds more and more of professional wrestling all the time. I would be overjoyed to see the Conservatives (not necessarily Republicans) take over Congress and I don't personally care for our current President's political views or attitude in general, but he isn't an evil guy. Just like Bush didn't create one-tenth of the issues he gets credited with by the average guy on the street.
      But here comes Texas Fred on his white horse of righteousness to rescue us idiot youngsters from ourselves. You know what really bugs me about this post? I agree with him. I really believe that the last 50 years have brought as much change to our daily lives as the industrial revolution did. I'd throw the internet up against the cotton-gin and TV is still the biggest thing to hit the world since the printing press. Cell phones are comparable in their impact to the telegraph. Playing Pac-Man at the mall is far cry from getting my ass kicked in the 3-D world of Wii sports my my 7-year old. I remember when fax machines were a modern marvel and that only lasted for like 3 years before they were classed with cassette tapes and anything analog. Things are radically different than they were when I was in high school, I can't imagine how much things have "advanced" in my parents' eyes. When you live through a lot, you learn a lot. Sometimes that's good and sometimes that's bad. Things are always changing. They say wisdom comes with age and I think there's a lot of truth to that.

      Where Fred is right, is that it's practically a law of physics that the older people get the more conservative they are, or at least the more conservative they vote. The question is if that's because they have gotten wiser and therefore see that the liberal views of the past were wrong, or if they got stuck in the past and just don't want anything else to change. Texas Fred just assumes that the older generations are going to come out in droves and vote for conservative candidates. I hope he's right. Things have changed so much in recent history that the Cold War is a footnote and even 9/11 happened when some people voting this year were in 5th grade. Fred gets real nostalgic about WWII, Korea and Outhouses, but he didn't mention Woodstock, The Fair Deal or We Are The World. Those the same generations that he's counting on to "take back our nation".

     I think he would be better served asking for help from the slightly younger generations than telling us how he had to vote in the snow, walking uphill to the polls, both ways. I guess I just don't like being told that my age dictates how I vote or how I think. I was pretty upset that my first time to vote Bill Clinton got elected and then I had to watch in horror as Clayton Williams Jr. handed Anne Richards the governorship through sheer idiocy and redneckness on a level even I can't relate to. So, being told that I "drank the kool-aid" or that I was "handed the Torch of Liberty" and traded it for social status when I was voting conservative, with a Lonestar Card in my wallet that was eating pieces of my soul even as it fed my kids. So, I hope Texas Fred can martial his troops out there to save my ass, I really do, but I'm not gonna "thank God for the Old Geezers of the Grey-Haired Brigade" anytime soon when they left me hanging in 2008. 

Called Out

   In an uncredited editorial, The Ft. Worth Star-Telegram takes a shot at a ridiculously short-sighted law being pushed by Arlington Police Chief Theron Bowman. The city ordinance, if passed, would "essentially rope off an area that encompasses Rangers Ballpark, Cowboys Stadium, Six Flags Over Texas and neighboring commercial corridors", according to the editorial.
     
    This piece was directed at the residents of Arlington and to people of the area in general. It's comforting to read in the editorial that some city leaders are not "sold on the proposition"; but my favorite quote from the piece is this nice, honest, little bit:

"It has too much the appearance of PR and politics dressed up to look like real crime-fighting."

  That is a strong statement, that just makes me smile. This is an editorial, so it has the Star-telegram's full weight behind it. This is an opinion that can't just be passed off on some columnist or blogger. Granted, in today's world, where newspapers are gasping their last breaths and gaping like carp on the banks of the Trinity River that can't seem flop over the beer bottles and used condoms and get back into the water, an editorial may not have as much weight as it used to. But, you can't tell that to the newspapers themselves, so they make that decision with the same gravity that they always have. It's just that the rest of us don't really notice or care like we did before Al Gore founded the internet for us. This is the paper of Ft. Worth, Arlington too in all actuality, calling out the Police Chief and his supporters for wanting to look like they are doing something, when they really aren't. 

       To begin with, the editorial very adeptly points out the logistical nightmare this would create when the SuperBowl comes to town in February. Of course, the only reason that this ordinance is coming up is because the biggest event in America is going to be there and the world's media will be ready to critique and criticize Arlington and the surrounding areas (like that little town to the east that starts with a "D" and rhymes with malice*) and the police chief is more concerned that it appears that they are fighting prostitution than actually doing anything about it. The Star-Telegram points out that most of the people in town for the game and it's hurricane of events won't actually be staying in Arlington. Neither of the playing teams will be staying there (personally, I'm crossing my fingers that the NFC representatives will just be staying at home and driving to the game instead of staying at a hotel). If they had any intention of really enforcing this law, then they are going to be asking for ID from people as they enter the "zone" or they are not going to be able to enforce it. 

  If they start selectively asking for ID, that's a nightmare. I would say that that kind of profiling would be a weeeeeee bit offensive, especially to some ladies that will be attending the game. Now, I'm technically caucasian, but there is a little Native American (Comanche to be exact) floating around in here and I've been asked a hundred times or more if I am Hispanic, Jewish, and even Middle Eastern. I've never been offended by that and to be honest, before now I've never really thought much about it. But, if you asked me if I was a prostitute, more than likely we are going to have words, with levels of hostility increasing in direct proportion to levels of intoxication, of course. My wife has been known to wear some shorter skirts on occasion and maybe a halter top that was a little iffy, but if you ask her if she was a prostitute, and you are serious, and you're in a police uniform, then she and I will be going to jail. Not for prostitution, but for assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest, and failure to signal a right hook. Seriously, can you imagine one of those big-haired chicks that were trophy wives 15 years ago when they married their oil industry-husbands going out to the game and being ID'd for prostitution? I can see it. It would happen.

   I'm proud of the Star-Telegram on calling out the police chief for championing this silly law. I'm glad they pointed out that not only would it not work, but that it is nothing but window dressing. It's a dog and pony show for the world media to see when they come to town with their preconceived notions of what Texans are. Some of them are going to be upset that we don't all ride horses to school and wear wife beater t-shirts to church. Passing something as ridiculous as this ordinance would actually get attention, even during SuperBowl week, but not for the reasons that it's supporters would want. This law would set up Arlington, and Texans with it, as fools in the eyes of the world. I remember reading the bashing of Jacksonville, FL a few years back when the SuperBowl was held there. If some suburb of Jacksonville had done something like pass a prostitution identification ordinance, they would have been killed in the media. I'm glad to see that some common sense is being applied from the editors in Ft. Worth and hopefully they'll keep Chief Bowman from making us all look like idiots. 

*for the record, I originally used another word that rhymes with that city and starts with "Ph". But, even though William Shakespeare used it several times, I don't think it would have been too appropriate for a school blog. In the end, I would rather change the word and have that line not be very clever than just cross it out or actually use the name of the city.

I'm Not the Master of My Domain

    I'm proud to be a Texan. Most people that know me would say I am fanatically proud (ok, embarrassingly proud if we're in public together out of state) of Texas and I can cite trivial facts and trivial historical myths about this State ad nauseum. But there are occasions or instances that make me hang my head in shame for their being associated with my beloved home State.Usually, it's the random idiot playing into a stereotype, but this time it's the State itself.

   Here in Texas we have a sales tax, not an income tax. Even our convicted criminals can buy guns here (yeah, they have to wait 5 years, but still...) and yes, you CAN shoot someone trespassing on your property. The thing is, it really isn't your property. I mean, it is your property, you paid for it and all; but if the State decides they want it, they can take it. I'm not kidding.

   There has been a movement lately to reform the eminent domain laws in Texas. That link doesn't tell you much, just that a group of cowboys and farmers are protesting something and they got the Texas Commissioner of Agriculture, Todd Staples, to hang out with them for a spell. But if you look at the laws they are protesting, it's really scary. I mean, it's a Berlin Wall and Karl Marx kind of scary. 


     It really started back in 2005 (which is terrifying in itself; 229 years of this crap?) when the liberal justices of the supreme court outvoted the conservatives and decided that it was perfectly fine for the city of New London, CT to take Mr. Kelo's property, house and all, away from him because the city wanted to build a new retail development. Basically, the verdict was that "Private Property" doesn't exist under federal law if that property can serve the community's "economic development" and it can serve as "public use". Naturally, most of America freaked out about this and a massive wave of State legislation started popping up all over the country. When I say "most of America" I mean 85%-90% of the people, no divisions along party lines, unless you count the communist party, I guess. President Bush issued an executive order that basically stops the federal government from taking private property for "advancement of economic interests", but that doesn't really effect local governments. State law overrides federal law when it comes to this portion of property rights, so each individual state can kind of head it off at the pass if they want to. Texas, apparently, doesn't want to. 


   In 2009, Texas did pass a pathetic attempt at eminent domain reform as Amendment 11:


"The constitutional amendment to prohibit the taking, damaging, or destroying of private property for public use unless the action is for the ownership, use, and enjoyment of the property by the State, a political subdivision of the State, the public at large, or entities granted the power of eminent domain under law or for the elimination of urban blight on a particular parcel of property, but not for certain economic development or enhancement of tax revenue purposes, and to limit the legislature’s authority to grant the power of eminent domain to an entity."


   Try finding a definitive answer as to what "urban Blight is". There isn't one. It's a completely subjective term, which is always helpful to have in your legislation. Heaven forbid a law could actually be enforced or protested against based on something other than an opinion. The kicker is the stuff about "entities granted the power of eminent domain". This can be a gas company that wants to kill your orchard, a city that wants to dig holes in your yard to pump sewage through, and then cover them up with concrete manholes as big as a car, or just a town that wants to pay you about $36,000 so that they can make $600,000 a year dumping trash on your lawn. Oh, and who cares if that land actually makes you money.You know, farming and raising your family on it just isn't good "public use". But hey, your property taxes would probably be a little bit less after that.

   I'm sure something will get done soon. Amendment 11 passed in a landslide by Texas voters, but it was also hooked onto some junk about university research funding. I'm sure the fund was great and needed and all of that, but what the heck does it have to do with eminent domain? Typical political BS. You take something that everyone understands to be a good thing and tack on something expensive to go with it so that it passes too. Anyway, I am a little disheartened that this kind of thing happens in Texas of all places. I mean, if this was California, sure, but Texas? I'm sure if I researched a bit more that somewhere someone from the gas company got shot or something, but the deadline on this blog is closing in, so I'll leave it alone and just hope that it happened.